“What kind of driver are you? A shit one. Look at your car. It’s all scraptched up.”

– She’s had a few accidents of her own. With words.

“Is it ‘For fuck’s sake’ or ‘For fucks’ sake’ because I have to send an email and I want it to be professional.”

– Guest post from a real Pro

“We can become intention fishermen.”

– Catch and don’t release.

“I’m a unique unicorn.”

– She is, in fact, the rarest of them all.

“It’s like a tribal animal love dance on my arm.”

– Cat scratch scars. Or as we now call them, cattoos.

“Can you sit on a bike and do bike things?”

– Yes. As long as I don’t have to wear Lycra.

“I need to actually stay in fat zone two.”

– Her new FitBit is our new boss.

“I’m very confusing this morning.”

– This is really saying something.

“What was the fuzzy wuzzy double fuzz that I liked?”

– A specific brand of fur-lined slippers.