“I’m having a mid-life conundrum.”

– Some people question their decisions. I question their choice of words.

“It has chart terries in it.”

– Fruit? Or breed of dog? Either way it was tasty.

“I didn’t bring any make for you.”

– In other words, there’s only one coffee, and it’s hers.

“We need to win the library.”

– We can afford all the books we want, as long as we have a lottery card.

“I’m gonna heat up some stir frice.”

– When you’re hungry sometimes you eat a few letters.

“Is there another Kuti?”

– Yes. Fela, Femi, and the kind you get from boys.

“We’re not in the same team zone.”

– She likes to eat dinner, eat ice cream, and go to bed – quickly. I like to eat dinner, eat ice cream, and go to bed – slowly.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I wish I could look into the future ball.”

– I’m no fortune teller, but it’s crystal clear to me: More sleep.

“You get to write all the quirps.”

– That’s what I do on this site. Quotes. Quips. Quirps.

“I don’t have thousand dollar pairs of shoes. I’d rather save an elephant.”

– On the subject of the proper level of investment one should make in sunglasses.

“Oh, it’s so hiss and mitt.”

– On the subject of comedy shows.