“Sometimes I think I could eat mashed potatoes all day long.”

– Only sometimes?

“Do you think when we nail a good recipe the ingredients are all like, “fuck yeah, this was worth my life?”

– No. But mealtime with her is worth mine.

“There’s something farting on the moon!”

– Could be true.

“I can’t believe we spent so many years not eating papaya.”

– They were dark times indeed.

“The world’s gonna go by bye bye.”

– When you’re on fire and drowning at the same time, the end is probably nigh.

“Red wine on top of tiredness equals melted human.”

– Friday nights end early around here.

“You were an asshole. I don’t think you’re an asshole now.”

– I love it when she whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

“It’s not good to sneeze when you got egg in your mouth.”

– 🥚💣

“I must have had about thirty ear orgasms already.”

– Sometimes a song just hits you in that special place.

“I woulda been a good hippie.”

– There’s still time.

“Hot off the fresh.”

– Some sentences come out of the oven too soon.