“See, movies were better back then. They didn’t have all these guns and whores and beat ’em ups.”

– ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I feel like I have bacon oil up my nose because all I small is bacon.”

– Don’t let your Neti pot run dry. Bacon Oil. Now available in 6oz, 12oz and our new Jumbo 1-gallon jugs.

“That kitchen is a jerk!”

– Corner cabinets can, in fact, be real assholes to deal with.

“Do you ever get hungry but you don’t have an appetite?”

– She has a taste for nonsense.

“You got shit fast.”

– At least one of us drank too much too quickly.

“It’s amazing how beer is really about the weather.”

– Cold weather: Chimay. Hot weather: Corona. See?

“Alright, into the kick ass-ness”

– And out of the shit.

“It’s called thinking medicine.”

– Or, as you and I call them, M&M’s.

“You’re getting wrassless.”

– When it comes to words, I can’t always pin her down, but it’s fun to try.

“I’m starting to lose your words.”

– They can be found in that part of her brain where sleep is.”

“It’s all just snots.”

– Stress can cause back problems. And also other problems.